Thoughts.

You know, i dont think im ever going to find someone who i am really comfortable around and dont get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach while i date them...every guy i have ever been with i have never felt comfortable enough to do the normal couple things with like kissing, cuddling, and seeing them all the time. i want to find someone i would actually like doing that kind of stuff with and they like doing that kind of stuff with me...

most guys ive dated have broken up with me do to my inability to being a good girlfriend cause i was never jelous no matter what. and ive broken up with guys because theyve cheated on me(everyone of the guys i have been with ended up cheating on me) as they said, and because i didnt put out. =/ you know this might sound old fashion and might turn some guys off, well most guys off, but i want to stay a virgin untill im married...i know that sounds really weird this day and age, but i dont think i would be able to do that kind of stuff with someone i wasnt married too. ive never even french kissed before! i dont like the idea of someone sticking their tongue in my mouth~ but you know if i meet the right person my views might change. who knows. but so far my luck is down in finding a person willing to be patient and things =/.

And you know, no guys want a heavy girl anyways they always go for the stick thin girls, which make me feel really bad cause i have actually tried to loose weight many many times, and its failed, and when i am with a guy who is much more good looking then i am other girls would prolly think "why is he with a girl like her" and stuff which i already have very low self esteem if any at all, but that crushes it very much... blah.

i really wanna meet someone who i can love and someone who will love me...but i am scared because i have had my heart broken once, and it has taken me a long time to recover, but you know...everyone has to recover someday...right?